Strathearn Cricket Club

Tour 2000 to York / NewcastleBernard

8-10 July 2000 Tour Guide free to tourists

Tour Itinerary

2.00pm Saturday 8th July v Retreat CC

Artificial Wicket no spikes

2.30pm Sunday 9th July v Goldborough CC

Own Bar at ground plus evening barbecue

1.00pm Monday 10th July v Newcastle City CC

Own Bar at ground

Your accomadation for the tour is at the Red Lion in Upper Poppleton York:

Red Lion

Broughbridge Road

Upper Poppleton

York

YO26 6PR

Tel 01904 781141

Tel 01904 785143

`Marshie a Night Owl'

Tour Party

1.Gordon McKinnie Cpt

2.Mike Young Vice Cpt

3.Paul Hainey Social Convenor

4.Ian Pattullo

5.Bruce Simpson Wkt

6.Duncan Marsh

7.Innes Mackintosh

8.Greg Fellows

9. Stuart Morris

10. John Fellows

11.Jonathan Hill

12. Stuart McIntyre

13. David Duncan

14.William McKinnie Supporter

15.Roddie McPhee Scorer

There is a small charge for cricket teas as is the custom down south of œ2 a head. We will also take œ2 Ahead at matches to buy our hosts a drink at the end apart from that everything is paid for you just have to pay for the beer.

On the Sunday you should be back at the Red Lion by 1:15pm to get the bus to the Golsborough Match. There will also be an early 10am leave for Newcastle on the Monday.

If you want to be a hit with the ladies this may help - Some Great Chat up Lines for use in the Clubs of York

Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

I like maths. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?

That's a nice smile you've got, it's a shame it's not all you're wearing!

Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to kiss me don't you?

Do you have mirrors in your pockets?.... Because I can see myself in your pants!

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?

Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?

Get your coat love, you've pulled.

The Tourists In Profile.

Strathearn last toured in 1992 some of you were on that trip and other younger members are new to touring here is the 2000 tourists in profile

Gordon McKinnie

This ageing player now Captain has played over four decades and claims to be still in his thirties!

The former batsman is a veteran of six (sex!) tours and is looking to revisit his youth in the watering holes of York.

Bill McKinnie (Faither)

Former Hairdresser and Kinnoul Bowling Club President Bill now spends his summer weekends following Strathie this is `Faithers' first tour - Ladies of York watch out!!

Ian Pattullo (Geoff)

This classy former Meigle all rounder now turns out for Strathie. Geoff `s most embarrassing moment on tour/test match tour was when he was unwell (pissed) and was ejected from McDonalds Resturant in Nottingham by two burley bouncers (not the lady he was with!)

Roddie McPhee (Rodeeeeee)

This former Strathie player (allegedly!) who scribes for Perthshire is a welcome addition to the tour party, sponsored for the tour by Specsavers Roddie's tour ambition is to `get a baby'.

Roddie stay away from York Maternity what ever you do! You could try some of chat up lines on the next page

John Fellows (JF)

No dirt on John I am afraid except from grass stains on his whites. John has very fragile digits and is doing well this season with no breaks to date (touch wood - averages 3 breaks a season) relieved of his keeping duties has taken some stunning catches in the outfield

Greg Fellows (Son of JF)

Product of the Strathie Youth system left early to pursue the bright lights of `down south'

but back to Strathie this weekend for the cricket. Enjoy yourself!

Stuart McIntyre (Son of AJ)

A young A.J. in the making Stuart has been known on trips to away games to impersonate Chick Young and Tommy Burns. This young man says he needs plenty of sleep, sorry but you won't get much over the next few days!

David Duncan (Deakie)

David is the clubs budding young all rounder who can bowl leg spin and medium pace and whose batting is improving all the time. Deakie a tip for the tour do not drink any blue coloured cocktails it could be listermint

Mike Young (The English Patient)

This smart and debonair thirty something still has the mole skin trousers and tan but is no longer the playboy of the ski slopes with nappie changing now part of the daily routine. Mike will keep the yob element in check over the weekend.

Paul Hainey (of Miami, Florida English Patient elect)

Threatening to take away the style mantle from the English Patient this internet drugs dealer always equipped with leather Jacket and mobile(that hilly can't work out how to use!) has been nominated as tour social convenor , duties include getting fifteen strathie boys into a York nightclub and of course getting Roddie a `Baby'.

Bruce Simpson

Bruce is the tour keeper from Coupar Angus welcome to the tour. Bobby Edington has advised us not to let you drink on the bus as we may not get to York before the Sunday game with all the stops he says you would have to make for a call of nature.

Innes McKintosh (David Hassalehoff)

This tearaway quickie has been limited in appearances this season due to work commitments as a life guard (Does he wear the same outfits as Pamela Anderson?) Innes is famed for acting as a fledgling bouncer at Hillys stag night ejecting gatecrashers to the strip show.

Duncan Marsh (Marshie)

Marshie returns to York after touring there as a youth. Duncan has a good throwing arm and tested it out back then throwing bottles of becks (empty of course!) over the river ooze at 4 oclock in the morning. Been known to wear dark glasses permanently after a punishing night on the drink and rollie ups, look out for there extended use over the next

few days.

Jonathan Hill (The Guru.Come on my son)

John had an extended spell as Captain for six seasons but is now taking a back seat, not a man to get worked up or worried easily this mellow fellow is scoring a wack of runs and taking a bucket full of wickets.

Famed for falling off a railway platform in nearby Harrogate and not spilling any of his chinese carry out.

Stuart Morris (Stuee)

An opening Batsman and wicket keeper and natural tourist, Stuart has come on to some game over the last two seasons. Stuart who tells me that he's naturally quick between the wickets is now denying rumours that he was using Alan Wells as a sprint coach it was infact Paul Hainey.

Pub Guide to York - 4 of the best!

Olde Starre Inn - York's oldest pub. Now where have I heard that before? It could be one of the busiest though, as it's always packed when I've been in and I usually end up in their concrete courtyard (hilariously entitled an "All Weather Beer Garden") gasping for air and wishing I'd went to The Punch Bowl down the road. There are a few snug bars inside, but they're all relatively small and the bar can become three deep, making service a lottery (hint from an ex-barman: if you're planning to stay, buy the barman a drink. Prompt service guaranteed for the rest of the night!) The last time I dropped in with the family to check out the "family room", I was accosted by a rubber doll. Yes, quite a lot of stag weekend's happen in York. You get the feeling The Olde Starre is York's other Minster (not because of rubber dolls) but because you can't say you've visited unless you've been here.

The Exhibition - A busy pub that fills up quickly, perhaps because many people probably see this as the first respectable (sorry Bootham Tavern) pub on the way from their B&B to the town. It's a nice view when you step outside the pub, look left, and see the Minster rising above the old city walls at Bootham Bar.
They've normally a TV playing quietly in the corner along with subdued music throughout the pub, so conversation is possible about how good your meal in the Tandoori Nights next door was. The Exhibition also has a biggish restaurant for meals, which I'm told is also quite good. And they serve a tasty pint of John's

Kings Arms - This is arguably the best known pub in York, due to it's proximity to the River Ouse. Every time the river floods (nearly happening in the picture!), the pub appears on the news, partially submerged, and with the rib-tickling remarks about drinker's wetting themselves (actually, I've never heard that one. Maybe I should submit it.) Flooding is almost an annual occurrence, and only the most spectacular ones are remembered by a water-line mark on the left-hand wall, as you enter the pub by the front door.
Once inside, there's little to keep you there. Almost everyone buys their round and heads back outside with it to drink on the quayside. The pub itself needs to be pretty spartan, as can be imagined.
There are plenty of benches by the river, but they fill up pretty quickly with tourists, students, lads and budding Aquamen, who have been known to take drunken headers off both the quay and occasionally the bridge to impress the babes. I'd love to see someone attempt the latter and land upon one of the tourist show boats passing underneath. It would at least liven up what has to be one of the dullest river tours in the country. "On your right, you'll see a derelict warehouse. Opposite (on your left) the back door and storeroom of Next." It was more interesting in the old days when they would hang criminals from the bridge and put the bodies out for display in the room above this pub!

Yates Wine Lodge - Okay, Yates isn't here, I'd be surprised if this place ever served a glass of wine and it looks more like a riverside warehouse than a Lodge. Apart from that, it lives up to it's name.
I ventured in here one Friday night, and the bouncers on the door almost scared me off. They were absolutely brutal. Tattoos, shaved heads, pierced noses and hands that trailed along the ground. Then I realised I was looking at a Hen Party from Doncaster, so in I went.
Heaving. Loud, young, brash and boozy. Ideal for a Friday night. Quite a decent starting point to set out from too, as it's near to a variety of places. Beer is nothing to write home about, although it is worth mentioning that if you visit at lunchtime, they have a section reserved for non-smokers. It's probably the same at night, but you'd be hard pushed to notice. - Coutesey of Jims Guide to Pubs of York

Need a local Taxi

Telephone 426969 or

0500 63 88 33

`Hillie in the Field'

`Don't sleep in too long you may miss the full English breakfast

Tour Court

The tour court will meet most evenings on tour subject to the Judge R McPhee being fit to take the Bench.

Misdemeanours of a fellow tourist on that day or the previous night may be brought to the bench by any tourist willing to give evidence.

Tour Aches and Pains

Are you stressed with too much cricket feeling these aches and pains. The tour committee noticed an advert for a local York massage parlour.

Telephone 01904 632651 Open 11am - 9pm

P.S If you can't make this you can always try the following nightclubs in York, Toffs, The Gallery and Ziggys, and a newly opened Ikon and Diva twin-nightclub at Clifton Moor, which has a free bus service from and to the city centre.

Membership Fees 2000 Season

If you have not paid your œ15 membership yet you should know its well overdue. Pay it as soon as you get back to Perth. Do it now or we may have to send round a man in a leather jacket to collect!